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 Blades of the End~

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Daruma
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PostSubject: Blades of the End~   Tue Aug 26, 2014 7:30 pm

Approved:
 

Name: Blade of Darkness
Type: Katana
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 1/3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:
 
This weapon can cleanly cut through flesh and bone, as well as being able to slice a steel cylinder with relative ease. Getting hit by the casing of the weapon can break bones, and give internal bruising. Multiple hits can smash bones into a course powder, and give internal bleeding.
Enhancements: This effect activates when some is cut by the sword. The darkness in this blade allows you to distort someone's vision by slowing the chakra in their eyes, making them feel like a dark static is over them, and basically sealing their vision. This costs 10 chakra initially, and costs 5 the second post active, 10 the third post, 15 the fourth post, and so on. People with Ocular jutsu are effected more by this, because more chakra goes to their eyes. This jutsu can be used twice per person per thread. The technique is broken if one or more of the eyes are removed from the victims skull, or they go blind in any other way this is due to the fact that is not an illusion, but is actually happening.

Name: Blade of Despair
Type: Katana
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 1/3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:
 
This weapon can cleanly cut through flesh and bone, as well as being able to slice a steel cylinder with relative ease. Getting hit by the casing of the weapon can break bones, and give internal bruising. Multiple hits can smash bones into a course powder, and give internal bleeding.
Enhancements: The darkness in this blade allows to put people in a weak state, lowering the strength of jutsu. If cut by this weapon while the effect is active, the person will start to grow weaker the first post, having -1 rank to ninjutsu. After three posts of this being active, the victim has -2 ranks of ninjutsu. After 5 whole ranks, the user has -3 ranks in Ninjutsu. After 7 posts of constant absorption, the victim will be unable to use ninjutsu for the rest of the thread. This costs 10 chakra initially, and costs 5 the second post active, 10 the third post, 15 the fourth post, and so on. The only way to counteract this jutsu is to use either cut of the limb that was cut by the sword, or by using a jutsu so powerful that the technique will break. (1 SS-Rank or 4 S-Ranks)

Name: Darkness Armor
Type: Full Body Armor
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 3/3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:
 
This armor is actually a flat piece of metal that the user straps to his back with X shaped, silk straps under their shirt. These straps hold the disk in place, and it is fitted to his body shape so it isn't evident that he has any armor on. When he focuses on the small plate, it expands to the rest of the body in a little under 1/2 second. This armor has rubber insulators under the metal components of the armor, making it impossible for Raiton to shock them if a plate is hit. In the general area of the mouth, the fabric is thinned, allowing for jutsu that comes from the mouth to escape. The user is able to channel their chakra through the armor as if it were their skin, letting them mold chakra as if they had no armor on. The glove component is so well fitted, that it does not hinder hand-signs at all. The defense tables are as follows. All B-Rank techniques and below will be completely negated. All A-Rank techniques do 1 rank less damage except Darkness Release attacks. A-Rank Darkness techniques will be negated. S-Rank Darkness jutsu will be lowered by one rank. This suit has a small hole cut on the palms, so that he may use Dark release from the symbol in his hand.
Enhancements: Due to this armor's affinity to darkness, the wearer of this armor is always channeling their Meiton chakra through it. While this is active, anyone who touches the armor will get a debuff of -1 rank to ninjutsu from the constant drainage of their techniques. As an unrelated bonus to this armor, it has thick soled boots that allow for a burst to be made under them. With proper practice, this suit allows the user to be a bit of a "jump". This jump is a quick movement that can get the user 20 meters in any direction they want, so long as both feet are on the ground. To trigger this, the jutsu channels 20 chakra into the shoes, transforming it into a feather like substance. This substance 'explodes', sending the user flying in any direction they please. This technique will leave tiny craters in the ground, but cannot be used on humans, due to the fact it's impossible to do this jutsu in the air or while on a person.
to fix later:
 


Last edited by Daruma on Sat Aug 30, 2014 1:33 pm; edited 10 times in total
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Daruma
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:20 pm

Name: Sleep Dart
Rank: A
Description: This is a package of 2 darts, each being able to be thrown. They are basic projectiles, but do much more. If someone is hit by these without having armor to protect them (armor that was applied for) then they will fall asleep within 1 second, the urge to sleep so intense. It takes 1 dart to make a non-human beast to or ninja below the rank of the dart fall asleep, 2 darts to make anyone the same rank or higher than the dart to fall asleep, and 3 darts to make a sage fall asleep (while they are in sage mode). The first dart that hits will give -1 speed for 10 posts, the second dart that hits will give -2 speed for 10 posts, and the third will give -3 speed for 10 posts. The sleep effect lasts 5 posts, so the speed debuff lasts 5 posts after you awaken.


Last edited by Daruma on Sat Aug 30, 2014 1:26 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Daruma
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Tue Aug 26, 2014 9:15 pm

Ready for checking <3

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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Tue Aug 26, 2014 11:02 pm

Okay so I'm going to start with the first most important thing here, you cannot have your weapons having +1s to anything. It needs to be on a passive item such as a necklace or a pendant. Those will need to be overhauled.

That stealth cloak is crazy stupid powerful. Did that get approved before? Because like yeah, all of that with no chakra cost is not alright imo. Also it shouldn't block S Rank as well.

The armour is fine but the speed boost isn't actually going to do you any good as you can't boost past S Rank. I'd recommend adjusting that.

I'm going to get you to rework that stuff, then bump and either me or another admin will pop back in and take another look~

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Daruma
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Tue Aug 26, 2014 11:32 pm

Bump!

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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Wed Aug 27, 2014 12:22 am

Name: Death's Gate
Type: Cleaver Sword
Rank: A
Upgrade Slots: 3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:

This sword is able to cut to bone, and can cut though bone if it is exposed. The blade itself is black, with carvings in it.
Enhancements: The user is able to use an "Inhaling Maw" type technique on the sword, without using the actual jutsu. Doing this cost 10 more chakra than doing it the traditional way, and has a 3 post cooldown after the technique is complete.


You need to have this enhancement take up one upgrade slot.

Name: Blade of Darkness
Type: Katana
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:

This weapon can cleanly cut through flesh and bone, as well as being able to slice a steel cylinder with relative ease. Getting hit by the casing of the weapon can break bones, and give internal bruising. Multiple hits can smash bones into a course powder, and give internal bleeding.
Enhancements: The darkness in this blade allows you to distort someone's vision, making them feel like a dark shroud is over their eyes. This costs 10 chakra initially, and costs 5 the second post active, 10 the third post, 15 the fourth post, and so on. People with Ocular jutsu S-Rank and above are not effected by this. This jutsu can be used twice per person per thread.


Again, an enhancement would have to take up an upgrade slot. Also, please explain how darkness release would be able to blind someone when it does nothing like that in the anime? This is way too much like a genjutsu [Especially when you do not have Genjutsu]


Name: Blade of Despair
Type: Katana
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:

This weapon can cleanly cut through flesh and bone, as well as being able to slice a steel cylinder with relative ease. Getting hit by the casing of the weapon can break bones, and give internal bruising. Multiple hits can smash bones into a course powder, and give internal bleeding.
Enhancements: The darkness in this blade allows to put people in a weak state of despair. If cut by this weapon while the effect is active, the person will start to grow weaker the first post, having -1 rank to speed. After three posts of this being active, the victim has -2 ranks of speed. After 5 whole ranks, the user has -3 ranks in speed. After 7 posts of constant despair, the victim will be unable to fight. This costs 10 chakra initially, and costs 5 the second post active, 10 the third post, 15 the fourth post, and so on. The only way to break out of this depression is to harm yourself deeply, like cutting of an entire limb. It doesn't matter if the user cuts off the victim's limb, or the victim does, they will break out of it either way. This jutsu can only be used once per person per thread.


This enhancement is steps waaaaay too into Genjutsu. Please remove or edit it;

Name: Stealth Cloak
Type: Cloak
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 3
Affinities: /
Description:
Spoiler:

This cloak literally blocks chakra from entering or exiting it. While someone has this cloak on, they can not be smelled, heard, seen, or detected in any way. The cloak silences all movement with special padding, gets rid of smells with ceartain balms, and has a special coating on the outside that makes it bend light, looking as if nothing was there in the first place.
Enhancements: Complete silence. When this cloak is on, the user wearing it cannot be seen, heard, smelled, or otherwise detected in any way. The only possible way the user could be noticed was with an S-Rank sensory jutsu that was pointed at their exact location. Widespread techniques like chakra radar would pass right over it. 25 chakra each post is needed if you want the full effect of this, but you may select things you wish to do, which are each 5 chakra. When doing this, you may only select three options. [ No Scent || Invisible || Silent || No Chakra Signature ]


Jesus christ, this is OP. Each one of these would need be an enhancement to the cloak; and as such, you'd only get three -- and even that is pushing it.

Name: Darkness Armor
Type: Full Body Armor
Rank: S
Upgrade Slots: 3
Affinities: Meiton
Description:
Spoiler:

This armor is actually a flat piece of metal that the user straps to his back with X shaped, silk straps under their shirt. These straps hold the disk in place, and it is fitted to his body shape so it isn't evident that he has any armor on. When he focuses on the small plate, it expands to the rest of the body in a little under 1/2 second. This armor has rubber insulators under the metal components of the armor, making it impossible for Raiton to shock them if a plate is hit. In the general area of the mouth, the fabric is thinned, allowing for jutsu that comes from the mouth to escape. The user is able to channel their chakra through the armor as if it were their skin, letting them mold chakra as if they had no armor on. The glove component is so well fitted, that it does not hinder hand-signs at all. The defense tables are as follows. B-Rank techniques and below will be completely negated. All A-Rank techniques do 1 rank less damage. A-Rank Darkness techniques will be negated. This suit has a small hole cut on the palms, so that he may use Dark release from the symbol in his hand.
Enhancements: Due to this armor's affinity to darkness, the wearer of this armor is able to channel their Meiton chakra through it. While this is active, anyone who touches the armor will get a debuff of -1 rank to speed. Shadows travel extremely fast. Because of this, wearers of this armor can do a sort of "jump" to another location. This jump cost 20 chakra to perform, and moves the user up to 20 meters away in an instant. This can only be used once per post. You are unable to attack while doing this, and if you collide with anything, you will get massive damage done to you. Even a pebble in the air would pierce through you, so you must plan each jump carefully


The Raiton insulation would need to be an enhancement. Traveling through shadows is denied, as this armor is not affinitied to Kageton. Also, touching the armor gives a debuff to speed? How? Also, you need to better describe the damage tables.

Remeber, Dark Release =/= Shadow Release

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The angels in heaven |Now I lay you down to sleep
Simply wont let me | I pray the Lord your soul to keep
Enter quietly | And if I die before Guest
Ill see you in hell | That shall be his first mistake


Kenjutsu: S-Rank | Ninjutsu: S-Rank | Senjutsu [Master | Summoning]: S-Rank | Fuinjutsu: S
Suiton: S-Rank | Fuuton: S-rank | Hyouton: S-Rank

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Daruma
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Wed Aug 27, 2014 2:22 am

BBBBBBBBBBBBBUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEH.

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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:52 pm

Death’s Gate: Approved
Blade of Darkness: This needs more detail. Does this work on those with Dojutsu, if so which Dojutsu does it work again? Also, the way this is written sounds a lot like a mixture between Genjutsu and Fuuinjutsu (neither of which you have) as you talk about sealing the person’s eyes to distort their vision with darkness. Please go into more detail to clear this up as well. Also, how does this ability trigger? Does the victim have to look at this blade or is there something else that starts up this ability?
Blade of Despair: You cannot stop someone from doing something before it even happens: it’s considered meta-gaming, so you cannot absorb an attack that hasn’t been launched yet.
Stealth Cloak: I see nothing wrong with this anymore.
Darkness Armor: Going to let Javon continue to mod this.
Daruma's Juicy Boxes: To heal internal bleeding of any kind this item has to be bumped to A rank; as only A rank or higher jutsu are capable of stopping internal bleeding.
Sleep Dart: How long does this effect last for? How many darts are needed to cause a full grown human to fall asleep compared to something like a beast or animal?

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Daruma
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:49 pm

Badabump.

Not sure if the Cloak is approved. u - u

I fixed what you asked. . 3 .

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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Thu Aug 28, 2014 10:33 pm

Blade of Darkness: The way this is written you need Medical (effecting the eyes the way you say) or Genjutsu (which would allow it to seem like that), but you don't have either. You need to rewrite this to make sense for Ninjutsu or Fuuinjutsu.

Blade of Despair: You need to describe how somebody gets effected by this darkness. Is it an AoE that you walk in? Is it a trigger effect? Anything.

Stealth Cloak: there is another cloak that does the same thing and it is SS rank, meaning it can only be used in plot threads. This cloak is still insanely powerful. The S Rank cloak I have only hides me from visual sensory and dojutsu. I cannot approve anything like this, and as such you will either need to bump it up to SS rank and write out an enhancement for it or you will need to drop 3 of the senses it is blocking. No reason anyone should be able to be completely undetectable.


Darkness Armour: This is still Shadow Release. Dark Release is absorbing jutsu and redirecting them back at your opponent. Shadow Release is controlling shadows and darkness. You really need to learn shadow release if you want to keep writing items like this because they all seem pretty shadow release-ish.

Juice Boxes are Approved~ 15k for the package because 1 A Rank healing item would be 1.5k ryo.

Sleep Dart: Timing on this site is done in posts. That being said if this was supposed to be 1 post, that's kind of op for a B Rank item. I'd bump up to A Rank just like the juice boxes, and keep in mind these will end up costing around the same.

Death's Gate is priced at 2750Ryo

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Daruma
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Sat Aug 30, 2014 1:29 pm

///

Changed amount of juice boxes to two.
Made it more clear that the jump tech is just a bonus, not having to do with the affinity.
Weapons edited.
Darts changed to A rank, as well as less darts.


Bump

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Last edited by Daruma on Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari
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PostSubject: Re: Blades of the End~   Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:00 pm

Deducted for Deaths Gate and the Juicy Boxes.
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Blades of the End~
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